Goals for the New Year

I don't care that it's almost a month into it already, I was trying to catch up on sleep and get over being sick!  Now that I'm well rested and almost back to being in good health, I'm finally able to figure out what my real goals for the new year should be.   Whether or not I achieve them, that's a different story, but I'm going to try my best to stick by them.  
Goal the First:  Make healthier choices.    Whether it's choosing to pass up fast food or water over soda or walking vs. driving or smoking vs. not.   This is something I can stick to pretty closely. My aim here is to just end up feeling better all over.  I am not planning on buying any more cigarettes, I'm not planning on taking a random trip to McDonald's when I'm being too lazy to cook.  The idea is that I don't get to be lazy about things that will make me feel better on the inside and also feel better because I'm able to save a bit of money in the process.  Saving money will end up helping me keep my health by not keeping me continuously stressed out over not having money.   I'm also going to try and be more active outside the house.  The weather has been wonderful for it for the past three days and it's supposed to be nice through next week.  Like 60s and sunny.  So I need to take advantage of the non-wintry days while we still have them.   I'm also trying to limit my drinking to just one pint on Thursdays again, living like I was when I was really poor a few years ago.  I really don't need to be getting drunk to the point where I can't drive home after the pub, especially now when I have  a 20 minute drive home.  Another thing is I'm trying to refuse when anyone asks if I want to smoke at the pub.  It's hard, cause it's ingrained in my head that drinking time= smoking time.   I'm not going to buy any cigs for myself and no more cloves.  It should be easy, yet another thing I'm going to be saving money on not buying.
Goal the Second: Get a better paying job, one with benefits.   I have yet to even start on writing a resume.  I have no idea really where to begin as I've never had a job that required one, but I'm willing to learn.  I'm sure there is some sort of template to follow floating around on the tubez.
Goal the Third:  Enroll at JSarge.  Even if it's just for one class, I've got to start back to school this year.  It's a must.  No excuses, no longer will "I didn't have the money" cut it.  I want to go back, I need to go back, I will be going back.
Goal the Fourth: Move back to the West End.   I really like my neighborhood, but I really don't like the commute.  I just need something closer to the pub, preferably within stumbling distance from the pub.  Which may mean I need a roommate, it may just mean getting a better paying job.  I'm going to shoot for the job, but I'm sure I can find a roommate.  

I think those are pretty much all the goals I have so far. I'm sure there will be more, but those are the major four.  If I can stick with them all, I will be very happy and very proud of myself for not giving in or giving up. Fritt says I can do all of those things and I am inclined to agree, so I don't want to let him down either.  It's nice having friends that can push you to further greatness.  I'm excited to see how this year plays out. It was a bit rocky to start out with but that is in the past and the future is looking up.  Here's to a better rest of the year and a better start to the rest of my life.   I'm leaving past grudges behind, leaving past doubts behind, I'm leaving some bad habits behind as well.  I have already started getting my act together, the first step was moving out on my own.  Now I can move on to even better things, I haven't failed at keeping myself alive and off the street so I say full steam ahead!   This growing up isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be; it's actually kind of a fun adventure as long as you don't take it too seriously.  

http://wiltinglily.bandcamp.com/album/songs-of-anatomy-and-physiology-study-materials

Yay!

A small victory, my first blog post from my new home :)  Sadly, it's only taken me four months of living here before I caved and got the internet.   I liked being forced to go out to Starbucks and blog, but I believe I will be saving much more money this way.  I don't like the idea of paying $50 a month for internet, but it's easier to see than $50+ a month on lattes.  I really need to curb that bad habit, I really can't afford it on my budget.  Hopefully that will change in the near future. I've actually updated my resume and I'm going to finally start applying to everywhere I can think of that might possibly be hiring for full time people.
I need a much better paying job, especially one that offers some sort of health benefits.  I figure if I start applying now, I will have a new job by the summer, no problem.  As long as I get something before October so I can easily get a place in the west end once more and not live in the crack neighborhood (j/k, Richmonders don't do crack, they do heroin and drink---heavily).
Anyways, that is the plan for this year: move back to my side of town.  It's more important I do it now than it was before, mostly because my friend who convinced me to move here is now being forced to move back in with her folks in Tennessee.  Her job decided to cut her position and she's now all unemployed.
She made the comment that makes me cringe: "If unemployment paid better, I'd be on it for longer."   Really?  THAT'S WHY WE DON'T HAVE PEOPLE ACTIVELY SEEKING JOBS!  Not that there aren't any jobs available, it's just that the unemployment pays better than the jobs that we have tons of do!  Who wants to work at McDonalds and earn about 1200$/month when they can earn about that if they had a better paying job, got laid off and now are earning 1400 or so a month in unemployment?  Where's the drive to get a job?  Seriously, either raise the amount of pay for food service jobs or lower the amount of unemployment money you give out.  Raise the rate of pay or lower the amount of aid...either way, you'd see a dramatic boost in employment and one way will get us out of debt just as fast as the other one would, which is way faster than what we're doing now.  Or do both and speed up the process, I don't care.   A free handout just keeps people lazy and fat and unmotivated to change their situation.   It may have been fine in the past, but it's not fine now.  /rant
And now on to something completely different: I'm leaving facebook.  I will be there til they make it mandatory to use the timeline.  I've already made it impossible to find me, you can't tag me in anything, you can't search or add me if you aren't already friends with me, you can't check me in anywhere, I've disabled all the apps.  So if you want to keep up with me, pm me and I'll add you on FB or something, but I don't feel up to keeping up with having to change the security features every time there is an update.   It's a bit ridiculous really and frankly, I don't have the time to worry about it.  If I don't have a FB, I won't have anything for future employers to use against me in the hiring process. I'm going to save all my pictures and then I'm out.

Unfortunate

So my phone is not working, but maybe now that I paid about half my balance with Verizon it will be back on. I dunno, I really don't care, I'm getting internet at my house on Tuesday.  It's going to be sad, not having to go out to Starbucks to do my blogging.  I may still take time on my days off to have coffee and reflect on my week in a new place, not completely by myself, but alone.  I dunno if that makes sense, but it's easier for me to focus on my own tasks at hand if there are more people to tune out.
I went to Target with my friend the other day and she talked me into not putting off getting new sheets and a clock.  I have been settled in my place since October and I've pretty much been living like a bachelor. I got a microwave and one set of sheets, one towel and I'm good.  I've got one set of plates, coffee mugs galore and yet I don't have a knife set.  I gotta get on that.   Anyways, I finally got to washing my new sheets so I could have something warmer than the silk ones that I've been sleeping on.  

I still say it looks like UofR threw up on my bed.

I really didn't mean for it to happen that way, and I think it would be a good way to decorate for your school without over doing it.  I mean, it's got the colors and the spiders on the throw kinda give it a more subtle edge. It's too bad I went to VCU.   

I guess that's about all for today, Amanda wants me to come for a visit and lord knows how more of them we have left for a while.  Ciaos! 

Regretsy

I am in love with...Regretsy.  I love how much joy reading about other people's butthurts and horribly made crafts. It makes me almost think that I am talented enough to make things to sell, but if I ever did open an Etsy store, my only goal wouldn't be making money, but making it on the Regretsy page.  I am going to order a digital copy of Regretsy's Big Book of Fabricated Finnish Folktales.   It's only $5 for the digital copy and the proceeds go to charity so I'm okay with that.  (done!)
I'm also in love with Jenna Mourey, also known as Jenna Marbles on youtubes, twitter and Facebook.  I love her views on life and how to have a more relaxed existence.  She makes me laugh at things that used to be things that would piss me off, but now when those situations arise, I hear her voice in my head ranting about it and honestly I can't help but laugh.  I have been a bit more laid back and I swear every day I'm growing more into my role as a productive member of this adult society that has scared me for so long. I never really wanted to grow up, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be.  
I seem to be re-evaluating almost everything in my life and it's nice to have someone to look to.  I wouldn't be able to do this as gracefully on my own, but seeing peers go through the same things and their reactions to similar situations help me to figure out the best possible way to go about dealing with people/ problems.  The guy I was dating decided that we weren't meant to be dating and instead of throwing a tantrum like a little kid as I would have done a few years ago, I just went on with it and we're still hanging out like the good friends we are.  I've learned there are no reasons to burn bridges unless they really and truly have wronged you and it's not someone's fault if they don't feel for you the same way you feel for them. You just have to accept that sometimes, you aren't on the same page and once you're able to grasp that concept, it's less awkward to be around them and to be friends.  I was on my way to doing this with Rowe, and hopefully when he comes back to Richmond in October we will actually be roommates.  I really would love to only be paying 300 or so for rent once more and to be living with someone else who loves to live in a clean home.  Someone who pays bills on time so we can dick around with the rest of our time after that gets taken care of first.  Rowe is a good friend and I'm glad I didn't do the kid thing and cut him out of my life completely.  Living together might be weird at first or maybe it won't.  I see it going one of three ways:  1)we live together, we work out great and we are roommates for a long time, 2) we live together, start dating/sleeping together it goes well, we live happily ever after or 3) we start dating/sleeping together, it goes badly and it's awkward after that.  I really don't know how it's going to happen, but any of those three scenarios seem okay to me. 
I woke up this morning sick, at least sick enough to not make it to work.  My nose just wouldn't stop running, I have no idea how I could have had that much goop in my nose.  I mean, I know it's kinda big, but seriously?  I hope I never get cancer, my body is really advanced at regenerating shit it shouldn't, like ova and phlegm and saliva.  Anyways, I found out that the CVS brand of affrin no drip extra strength nose spray works wonders. When I get to Greenaire, I will be taking a severe sinus pill, I'm still leery about them; usually I can't stand or drive for a while after I take one of them.   We'll have to see how I feel.  My nose has been pretty good for the hour that I've been sitting in Starbucks, so hopefully it will continue to not drip at the boys' home.  I don't feel like using Kleenex during Hot Tub Time Machine, which apparently is the movie we're watching tonight.  

Yesterday/Today

So far, I thought 2012 was going well.  I thought the relationship with Michael was going well. I was very, very wrong. We had a Talk last night/this morning and it ended up with me finding out that I'm not his 'one'.  Oh well, better to find out now rather than a year or so down the road.  So far, we're still on for hanging out like normal, just not quite like it has been, even though we both agree it's nice.   So in the relationship category, I'm thinking it's still a question mark or possibly friends with benefits.  I'm hoping it will just go back to being cuddle buddies and leave it at that, just because it's less complicated that way.  My 'c' key is broken now, so I may have to revert to typing out all future 'c's as 'k's just for the ease of it.   Sorry to all that it might offend.  

I did talk to Rowe the other night and he said he would be up for being my roommate when he gets back stateside.  It's good to know even though we didn't make it as a couple, we are still bffs.  He supposedly only talks to a select group of people anymore and somehow I still make it to that group.  Some of the people he used to talk to who don't like me are not on that list anymore and that cheers me up a little, even if it shouldn't.  

I'm meeting up with Pam and possibly Sofiat for dinner.  I'm still not sure what I want to do, I really don't have the money to spend as I spent way too much on booze at the pub. I'm not buying anything there but tea for a few weeks.  I dunno, it just seemed like a good idea at the time to buy a Jameson and ginger ale along with all that food and the two pints of Guinness.  Eh, you only live once right?  I have plenty of noodles at home, all I need is to buy more sauce and possibly frozen veggies.  

I've been working on re-arranging my apartment because I'm ADD and can't stand it being the same for more than two months at a time.  I was going to use some money to buy new sheets so I won't have to sleep on silk ones (the only ones that aren't too small for my bed---they're too big!).  However, there isn't enough left in the funds for a new set so I'm going to have to live with the silky slippery sheets for the moment.  Maybe in February.  Probably in February.  Okay, new goal for next month: Buy new sheets!

Panera has gone up on the cost of their bagels again.  It's up to $1.37 for a bagel now and I think I'm not going to splurge here much more often.  When I left working for P-bread it was $0.91 for a bagel.  I'm not amused at the price hike and decline in quality of product.  They still have yet to bring back my Chicken Tomesto sandwich.

Update: the little nub that presses the sensor on my 'c' key has come off also, I may have to break down and get a whole new keyboard :(  In March, when I have money.  Maybe.

First!

The emotionally immature person has low levels of self-esteem and self confidence and consequently feels insecure; to counter these feelings of insecurity, they will spend a large proportion of their lives creating situations in which they become the center of attention. It may be that the need for attention is inversely proportional to emotional maturity, therefore anyone indulging in attention seeking behaviors is telling you how emotionally immature they are.

The above idea struck me as I was lying in bed one night last week. I dunno if it's been said before, I just had to put it on paper. Going over the things that have changed for me in the past few years from when I decided to live a better life it just came to me. I had been living a life full of lies. I love myself and I don't really think the only thing that I'm good at is mediocrity. I deserve better opportunities and better relationships with my friends. I deserve better friends. I deserve these things because I don't have to settle and would no longer settle with good enough. All my life I was told to be choosy in my friends and in whose company I keep. Never did I listen to that advice; I always thought it would be better to give everyone an equal chance at being a friend. I have learned through experience that it is not always wise to do so. Sometimes, you have to let people go, keep them at a good distance. You ARE judged by the company you keep and getting ahead in life is not going to happen if you're hanging around bottom feeders. I've noticed this from my experiences after high school and in watching my dad struggle with his life in Florida. His friends needed to check in with judges and parole officers and take weekly drug tests. He filed for bankruptcy protection in the fall of 2010 and has since moved away. He had people crashing on his couch and he used to drive his friends around who had lost their licenses due to drunk driving or something stupid like that. He went through three cars while down there, he struggled to pay his bills and yet he kept helping those around him. He called them friends, but really they were just using him for what he had or what he could do for them. That is not what I call a friendship.

I stopped hanging out with certain groups of people either because of their actions, inaction or apathy towards any sort of change, be it positive or negative. I used to be homeless, living on anyone's couch for as long as they'd have me no matter what went on in the house. I've lived with drug dealers (pot and coke), I've lived with people that didn't feel the need to actively find a job and who were perfectly content accepting money from their parents to pay their rent due to a lack of job. I lived with people who felt they were entitled to things because their parents had it well off and they never had to do any work in their lives. Like two of my last roommates. Their parents worked, they cleaned the house and took care of basically everything for them until they moved out so they were horrible at basic living. They never cleaned, didn't work, sat around and complained all day and felt that others needed to be within earshot of their complaining.

There is a club I belong to, I will not name it. I don't go nearly as often anymore, mostly because I can't stand the people that go there any longer. I mean, there are a handful of people who go there I would still have fun hanging out with and spending time with, but the majority of the people who go there I wouldn't mind never seeing again. I'm not sure if it's a product of getting older, but the more I see them, the more I see the drama they bring with being associated with them.

Since I decided it was a time for a change for me, I have done so much and been pretty much drama free. I got a promotion at work, even though it means almost nothing, save for the fifty cent raise associated with it. I live on my own now, and I'm not going hungry. I may not be able to go out and drink every night I like I could when I lived with six people in a one bedroom house, but I have my privacy, my sanity. I don't have internet currently, but that's only due to me having to get some other things in order, things that matter more, like making sure the utilities are paid up and old debts are paid off. I am also trying to save at lease two hundred bucks a month so I can open a CD or an IRA at the end of the year. It's my goal, to be able to be out on my own and not have to survive paycheck to paycheck, and it's not an easy feat considering how little money I make. Also, I'm looking for a new job while we're on the topic of not making enough money. My other goal is to get either a full time 9-5 kind of job and stay at ABC for part time money. I need some sort of job that has some sort of set schedule, this having to be on call from 9-9 Monday through Saturday is kinda annoying. Also, I'm only making 10.50/hour so it's not really worth it, as I don't get any overtime, the state doesn't really like that. Sad, cause I be willing to work about 50 hours a week if they'd let me. I just want something with a more set schedule, a higher wage, and health benefits. The next time I move, I want to go back to the west end so I would be closer to everything that matters in my new life: work, my new group of friends and the pub. It sounds like I drink a lot, putting the pub in my list of things that matter but it's about the only place I ever go anymore. I met most of my new friends there and they've been quite a positive influence in my life. I want to be able to be seen as doing well for myself, like I see them doing. I want to shine by comparison and if I'm comparing myself to the people in my new group, I need to really step up my game, not at all like being the shining start of the old group. I didn't have to put forth any real effort for me to look like the one success story among the rejects, mostly because I have a job and a car and am not on drugs. Woo, not hard to do there. With the new group, everyone's finished college, some own their own business, some make six figures a year and they're not much older than I am. I have to get back to college, start over at the community college and work my way back to university. I wonder if I end up getting a 4.0 at JSarge if they'd accept me at UofR if I can swing the tuition. It might be easier to do now that I'm on my own and I'm not obligated to put down my parents' incomes on my FAFSA form. There is nothing holding me back now, at least, not anything that is out of my immediate control.

This is the start of another new chapter in my life, and hopefully I will like how it shapes up. I'm quite pleased how the first two years have gone and I'd like to keep on that positive track.